I have, finally, after four years, begun writing again to post online. I decided to do away with medium or what have you and post on github instead. I moved away from an amazing React-built portfolio website to a simple one built with Hugo (check it out, it is really powerful, and perfect for this kind of website).

Over the past four years, I never felt like I needed to write. I didn’t forget the craft of writing, or become illiterate - I just never felt the desire to sit in front of a computer and write. What would I write about? What was even there for me to write? What could I write that someone could not write better?

Anyway, after a lot of prodding and convincing that the last point was untrue from multiple people, I have decided to use this website as a place to post stuff that I think about and write. Whether the stuff is useful is a moot point. All that matters is that it is.

Hello (Again)⌗

So what happened in these four years? I got a job, got married, got promoted, and got to realize that there is so much I do not know. The last part might be a cliche, but something about working on something very niche and specialized is an experience in humility on its own.

You see, there are problems that are hard, and there are problems that look hard. The difference between the two is that solving a problem that is hard makes you humble. Solving a problem that only looks hard, and realizing that it only looked hard, makes you confident about the next problem (which might actually be hard). Solving a problem that in reality only looked hard, but made you perceive it as actually hard, leads to two outcomes. The better outcome is when you feel defeated about your skills. The worse one, however, is when you feel cocksure.

Wait, that’s a lose-lose situation! Not necessarily, if you can handle the defeatist tendencies that all software engineers have (Yeah, don’t lie to me. I know you sometimes think if you should even be here). The feeling of defeat makes you humble. The humility, if developed, translates into maturity. Maturity, then translates into good leadership.

And this lead to me thinking - how do I become more mature? I know the frontal cortex doesn’t really mature until I am about 30. And more importantly, how do I become a good leader?

For what it’s worth, becoming a manager is not where I see myself. The job role does not sit well with my lone-wolf work style, nor do I feel my sarcastic humor will be taken well by a subordinate. I am lucky that leadership is multi-faceted, and that I don’t really need to consider that path as a leader. I can exert influence my own way.

And this blog is a means for that. The first person I need to infuence is me. Influencing others will follow.

What will I write about?⌗

Honestly, IDK. My first idea for the “tech blog” section of this is my tmux configuration. I am yet to find inspiration for the “non-tech” section of the blog. Should I write down what I find interesting at work? Or do I write about how I grow as a leader, when the opportunities arise, like a LinkedIn post without the cringeworthy language and self-pats? TBH, I might repost some stories from here into social media as well.

Maybe I’ll write stuff on choosing your career, and on development, and what have you. Maybe I’ll write stuff on life outside your career.

There are a couple of maybes in the above paragraph. I never stopped writing per se, I always kept saying “maybe I’ll write”. I removed the “maybe” and finally wrote this post. Kinda sounds like Yoda - “Do or do not. There is no try”. Or as I say to myself during times of heavy work - “Do. There is no do not. There is no try.”

A junior engineer once pointed out that it made me look like a strict mentor when I said it. I like to think of it differently - Just do. You have something to do, do it. Even if it is bad at first - do it. Even if all you manage to do is 1%, do it. It is better than giving in to your anxieties and not doing it.

I think I found the idea for my next post. Anxiety. Or, anxiety as I’ve experienced it.

I originally thought of writing my experiences dealing with anxiety with this post, but I felt it would spaghettify this introduction. It’s best to keep these bite-sized. I am not writing a book (yet).